who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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