I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
God gave him joint rollers for hands
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
