Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
