Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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