i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
