omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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