Me too!
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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