i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
