Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
