Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
