...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
