I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
