They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
