Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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