My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
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It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
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You are the jesus of drinking
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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