a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
And then he peed in my hair
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