you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
