We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
