dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Houston, we have a blender
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
