just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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