guys are not supposed to queef...right?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
