And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
