Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
