the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
