Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
