:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
