I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
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We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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