the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
