i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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