So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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