i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
