God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
