Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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