Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
