i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
