yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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