And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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