On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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