i don't like sucking hair
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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