So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
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Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
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I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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