Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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