And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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