the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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