He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
