Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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