Duck Duck Cougar?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
