Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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