2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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