you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
