Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
A+ Viking dick
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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