i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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