I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
