they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
