I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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