dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I need a beard to bite.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
