So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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