It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
