I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
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We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
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She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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