My friends, they love my intelligence
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
