shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
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i came on her dog
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
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Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
as a side note pls kill me
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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