its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
