Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
